I am looking to get married, and I'm finding it hard how to approach a girl and 'how to get to know her'. I know islamically that you should be introduced to her with a third person present and not to be alone with her in private. However some view this ruling as being too rigid and not applicable to all settings, e.g. what if you like a girl that you meet in the workplace? I have spoken to some muslims and they have told me that it's totally forbidden to even look or talk to a girl before marriage, but in today's society, that's impractical, and how are you supposed to meet a spouse if one feels restrained by this ruling? In fact, I have spoken to many sisters, and although they have good character and are really attractive, they aren't strong in deen. They have a liberal mentality, and although they abide by the teachings of Islam and view its important injunctions, I hear them expressing views, which extends to ideas such that you have to adapt yourself to the time that you're living in and maybe commit "small sins" which are literally seen as haram, but in order to conform to suitability and gain a result, as long as your intention is correct then Allah will know best. These ideas that I'm referring to as allowable actions are "kissing" and to permit the holding of hands". As long as you both know your limits then it's important to know how you feel before you get married. They say strictly speaking, it's unislamic, but from an individual perspective with regards to the situation, it can be seen a grey matter, depending on one's intentions. I just feel that in today's society a lot of muslims become liberalised in their outlook of life, and if I follow the strict Islamic injunctions, I feel as if I'm being restrained or not broad minded in my mentality and being held back from achieving something, such as a possible spouse for mutual matrimony. Please brother, can you clear these views for me and to help me through this matter?

Marriage & Divorce

12 November 2008 - 3:03pm

I will try to answer to the best of my ability, inshallah.

Every individual is responsible in front of Allah on the day of judgement for his or her own actions, so no-one is going to answer for someone else.

Therefore, it is very important that we know that we will be asked about our own deeds/actions. If good, then we will be rewarded - and if not then there is a dreadful punishment, God forbid.

To know what is right and what is wrong, what is according to Islam and what is not. What is halal/permitted and what is Haram/forbidden, we need knowledge of our own religion and if it happens that we do not have enough knowledge, as not everyone has enough time, opportunity etc to do this, then we need to ask those upon whom Allah bestowed the knowledge of this beautiful religion Islam.

Now, if someone says this is halal and this is haram, they need to present proof and evidence - not just by saying that we need to go according to the time etc, as this is not a proof but rather ignorance. The actual criterion for getting married is Deen as this will give you happiness in this world as well as in the hereafter, inshallah.

Consider how this will impact on your religious practice and commitment to the religion of Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace be upon him).

Consider the great rewards entailed in fulfilling the sunnah of marriage, which is among the most beloved of matters to Allah and His Beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), because it is the means to the continuation of humanity and the establishment of a righteous society.

Consider the great rewards of being a good wife and mother.

Consider the emotional fulfillment marriage brings, for each spouse is a "garment" for the other, and humans have an essential need for this covering and the warmth, love, mercy, and fulfillment it brings to one's life at all levels.

Consider how this will impact on your religious practice and commitment to the religion of Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace be upon him).

May Allah help us all, amen.

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