Frequently Asked Questions - Marriage & Divorce
- I am still at university. Recently I have met someone I like who I have been speaking to for just under a year before hand. We regulary discussed islam and over time I have become a better person and mashaallah started to read namaaz regularly and generally have bettered my outlook on life, prioritising what's important. I know that he likes me as well because he said we should stop talking because he liked me more than a friend, however that only lasted mainly through the month of ramadan. Recently he said to me we should get engaged or tell our parents so that they know and also we will know ourselves that if our parents are happy with us and if they would get us married for definite. He even mentioned getting a nikah done once, which would be the best thing to do as I dont think our parents are great believers in engagements. However my own situation is such that I have older siblings, unmarried and I have a few years of studyng to go and my parents would not expect me to be the one thinking of this kind of stuff and me being the one getting married first. They are also much in favour that we (as in me and my siblings) finish our education before thinking of marriage or anythng. I know it sounds crazy but I dont think my parents would be ready for me to go into anything like that because they have just started teaching me things now and I am very close to them. I attempted ishtikhara namaaz a few times, somtimes i couldn't complete it so had to wait then start again. Most of the time I dont have a dream (that I remember) or even have any feeling I just feel my usual self. Sometimes I think I feel calm but maybe that's just my own biased view because I know I want it to happen. There has been once or twice I had a dream. Although it doesnt seem connected. I've never done anything like this before so I said to him maybe i'm doing it wrong. so I think he was going to tell his older sister at one point and get her to try ishtikara namaaz for us. My main purpose in my namaaz has been to ask Allah if he is the right person for me. However there are many issues I need to make a decision about such as would my parents approve of him in the 1st place? (because as you know they look at income, education and job etc which aren't his strong points but he has got a fairly strong imaan) and also I dont even know do I tell my parents? How would I tell them?! and if maybe its all a big rush and I should just take a step back from him and try and avoid it all, if it is to happen the opportunity will come across again in the future? I have no idea! If you have any children of your own you may be able to help with how it may look from a parents point of view even. If you can help in any way at all or even advise me I would really appreciate it. I know it's a lot but i dont really know how to cut it down.
- I am looking to get married, and I'm finding it hard how to approach a girl and 'how to get to know her'. I know islamically that you should be introduced to her with a third person present and not to be alone with her in private. However some view this ruling as being too rigid and not applicable to all settings, e.g. what if you like a girl that you meet in the workplace? I have spoken to some muslims and they have told me that it's totally forbidden to even look or talk to a girl before marriage, but in today's society, that's impractical, and how are you supposed to meet a spouse if one feels restrained by this ruling? In fact, I have spoken to many sisters, and although they have good character and are really attractive, they aren't strong in deen. They have a liberal mentality, and although they abide by the teachings of Islam and view its important injunctions, I hear them expressing views, which extends to ideas such that you have to adapt yourself to the time that you're living in and maybe commit "small sins" which are literally seen as haram, but in order to conform to suitability and gain a result, as long as your intention is correct then Allah will know best. These ideas that I'm referring to as allowable actions are "kissing" and to permit the holding of hands". As long as you both know your limits then it's important to know how you feel before you get married. They say strictly speaking, it's unislamic, but from an individual perspective with regards to the situation, it can be seen a grey matter, depending on one's intentions. I just feel that in today's society a lot of muslims become liberalised in their outlook of life, and if I follow the strict Islamic injunctions, I feel as if I'm being restrained or not broad minded in my mentality and being held back from achieving something, such as a possible spouse for mutual matrimony. Please brother, can you clear these views for me and to help me through this matter?
- In my University, there is a Muslim boy that I find attractive - in the sense that he is a good muslim and has a good personality. I asked some people and they said his family is strict and are nice people. I would like to pursue it further, for example marriage, as he seems like a good muslim. However, I do not know how to do it. I do not know what his plans are for the future or how he feels about me. I don't know him very well although he seems quite shy. I hardly talk to him - I speak to him via email regarding University work. I have not told the boy anything as I do not wish to go against Islam. Can you please give me some advice? I am worried about approaching him incase he laughs at the situation or may not feel the same way for me.
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